Figured out a path

After last week's taste of interviewing for a help desk job, as well as my experience building my computer, I want to walk that path. I hope to hear back from the place I interviewed with, but if not I'm going to keep trying for that type of role.

Memory of Gold Cup 2009 and the BS I got for saving a kid's life

I said on social media the other day that the CONCACAF Gold Cup, the regions soccer championship, brought up a memory that still sours me.  I said I was going to write about it so here it goes.

The Gold Cup 2009 Quarterfinals was scheduled in Philadelphia, and the US was playing there.  I went down with some members of the Empire Supporters Club to watch the game.  After some time traveling to Philly from NYC (taking NJ transit to the regional line, to the subway to the stadium) , we were in the parking lot with other US fans tailgating.  As usual, people were drinking, and it was a really hot day.  I was drinking that much because I hate being drunk in the heat.  Now, the ESC has one kid, who I'll call the self-hating Jew (he often says he sides with the Nazis and yells out anti-Semitic stuff when he's drunk), who all he does is gets drunk,. acts a fool, and somehow isn't kicked out for his behavior.  

This day was no different.  He was doing his usual drunken bullshit, but this time he decided at one point to take a ton of soccer scarves and wrap them around him.  Again, it's hot as Hell in this lot and he is putting think scarves around himself.  Some people where there telling him to stop, but no one was doing anything.  One of the Capos of the ESC who was there asked me to help.  He said we have to get them off him.  So I said I"d help.  As people where there talking, doing nothing to help really, I walked up, and started to rip them off him, which led to him falling out of his chair.  As soon as he hit the floor, people jumped in to pull me off, and I was pulled away from the situation.  I was then told I was too rough and in short scolded for trying to save this guys life.  At that point, I was so fed up with this accepted BS culture at soccer games of "he's drunk and breaking club runes, but he's funny so it's OK", I blurted out loudly "Fuck him then, let him die!" and walked off.  The Capo again came to defend the Self-hating Jew, and then ran to the ESC leader to tell him what happened.  

Later on, I had a meeting with the leaders of the ESC where I was told I was close to being banned form the club over the incident.  No one had my back or defended me over it, especially this Capo.  I laughed over this since the leaders and this capo tried to sabotage the Philly group leaders as far as US songs/chants during the game (rule is whoever is the local Supporters Club runs the section as far as songs and stuff).  They did more to sully the ESC name, but me being asked to help save a guys health from himself is the bigger problem.  After this was when the relationship with me and the ESC leaders turned not good.

I pissed me off, as it does now, that I am asked to do something then yelled at because I got the job done in a way someone is upset about it.  I have a job to do, I will do it my way unless told how someone wants it done, and I don't care who is upset.  The job is done, shut up.  I'm just irritated I have to deal with a backlash  over it.  

That's the story.

Job search update.

I decided to put my stress and nerves on the side for a bit to address some of you about my job search. I'll put it in simple terms: I'm in the "fucked" category. I have experience, but its too much and makes me overqualified for some, or not enough for others. I also am of the generation where I will not have a job define my life, where I live to work for someone. I only work to live. I want to get my hours in, leave when I am done, and do what I want without anything hanging over me. Seems like people these days are happy to be slaves and have their life dictated by someone else. I'm not. Let me answer a couple questions I have been getting:

"Are you trying hard enough?"

First off, FUCK YOU if you don't think I am. I spend my mornings and nights on Craigslist, Linkedin, careerbuilder, monster, Indeed, and God knows what other sites looking at postings and responding. On average, my resume goes to 40-60 job postings A DAY. So its not lack of trying on my part.

"Why not try for a lower level position to get a foot in the door?"

I have been, that's where I'm told I'm "overqualified" by people. See, people are afraid I'll leave when something better comes along, but its a simple fix: make me want to stay. Why would I look elsewhere if I'm happy where I am. There's also the situation the person hiring won't hire me because they are afraid I'll replace them. Fair point, since if they are afraid means they are right. I'd probably do better than them and get their job.

At first I didn't want to try for a lower position, since last company I worked for I did that, and they took advantage of that. But I'm grasping for anything.

"Have you tried Stop and Shop, Home Depot, *insert large retailer*?"

Yes, again I'm overqualified. Again they are afraid of me leaving if something else comes along. I also won't be hired because I won't agree to have open availability for every shift. I have other interests and I want to be able to do them. I don't want my free time dictated like they would want to. The money they are "offering" isn't at the level where they should even have the right to ask for that concession.

Also not to sound like an asshole, but I went to college to NOT end up in a job like that. I endured college and worked my ass off to not having to settle for a job like that. I also know that I am not mentally or physically damaged, which puts me at a disadvantage to get hired (these companies like to hire the "special" people to try to not look heartless).

"Have you tried friends or family to see if they can get you a job?"

Yes, and some people have been more than helpful. But some either have helped and their bosses said no (again, overqualified), or some haven't bothered but said they have. Whatever, people choose to do what they want to do.

Some help I haven't accepted because I want to "earn my spot" and earn my job. See one of my other entries about that.

"Have you thought of going back to school?"

Did some, but time to make money. Can't keep staying out of the market. Its apparently harmed me now, any longer may make worse. May look at volunteering work, but I want a paying job.

"Why not try and see if your old job will take you back?"

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

That ship passed, and to tell you how much they wanted me and how much they said they valued me. NOT ONE phone call or anything from them since I left.

"Maybe you should sacrifice a bit more..."

No, NO! This is what's wrong with society today. Sacrificing too much for others and then they get screwed because of it. I refuse to sacrifice more than I have. I refuse to sacrifice for a job, I give an inch they will take a mile. Trust me, in this climate people should look out for themselves more, and forget the "team" or "family" they are supposedly a part of, that "team" or "family" will easily go for your neck the second things get bad (been there, done that).

I hope this gives you a picture of what's going on. I've been honest with potential employers, and now I have been with you.

I'm still not ready to go to a soccer game

As stupid as it sounds, I'm mentally not ready to handle going to a game. My girlfriend has asked me why I haven't gone to a game for so long, and I tell her its difficult to say why. Some of the people I hung out with at games have also asked me, and I couldn't give a good answer.

I think I haven't gone to a game in over a season and a half. The last time I went, I couldn't shake the feelings about why I stopped going. I couldn't shake the treatment I got from some supporter club leaders years ago when they in short told me to go fuck myself in their passive-aggressive way. I responded by telling them to go fuck themselves and their lackeys, though that also affected others I didn't intend to. Over time I have gotten passed the anger, especially since those people I had issues with no longer are in charge, but there is still a bitter taste. Also there are some who have decided to wrap their lives around the team and club, they took how I left as a "you're not welcome anymore, quitter" and seem to keep that toxic atmosphere that I wanted to get away from alive. I'm not talking about one specific group, its all of them.

Recently one person I know came out and talked about his demons he's trying to overcome. First off he has my respect and prayers to get through his problems. After knowing what he's going through, I thought of myself and when I decided to change my life for the good. Now, I am not comparing my issues with what he is going through, but I see slight parallels. When I was going to soccer games, I was always a cynical, negative person. Mostly because of who I hung out with. The supporters section is still filled with this element, and that bothers me. I wish leaders would try to move forward from it, maybe throw out some of the trash, but I know I'd be asking for a lot. I remember at one game saying "What am I doing?" and decided to change myself. I tried to keep things positive and low stress, but in a cesspool of negativity it doesn't really work. That's one reason I stopped going to games, and I feel so much better for it.

I also found BJJ, and all the good-the feeling I get and people I have met-blows away what I was getting going to soccer games. What I get out of what I invest in BJJ is so much more rewarding and better for me. It sucks that soccer got to the point it did for me, and I wish things could go back to when the club was smaller and just a bunch of guys wanting to have fun. I know that won't happen, as well as most of those I did enjoyed hanging out with are either not going to games or not as much as they used to.

I wanted to write this to get it out. It sucks I can't get myself to go to a game. I loved going in the past, why not now?

I need help, I suck at asking for it

Last week I was at the supermarket and as I was at the check out line, I noticed the bag person. He was either completely blind or really hard of sight. I noticed how he was bagging stuff, and he had a little struggle doing it and putting the bags into the cart. He got it done, but he had a little difficult time finishing it.

I didn't help him. It wasn't a reason of I'm above him or anything. It was a reason some may not understand. I didn't want to help because I was not sure if he wanted it. He may not want someone helping him and taking away a sense of power and purpose. He has enough that was taken away from him, why take another thing away?

I know this really well. I was blind once, and I felt I had a lot of a "normal" life taken away from it. I had people do a lot to help me because of it, but a good amount of those times I didn't want or need it. I didn't want it because I didn't want to be reminded I had a problem, and any "success" or feeling of accomplishment to me would feel hollow because I had help, where others may not have. I also didn't want to be treated or felt like I was different. Its not a good feeling to be singled out that way.

That's probably why I am where I am now. I haven't really asked for much to get work. I did the same the blast time I was out of work. I want to accomplish it, but I feel I should by myself. I know its stupid of me not to ask, as well as frustrating to those around me that I don't or haven't asked. I know I need help, I know some of you guys who read this could and can help me somehow, I just suck at asking, and to be honest I am uncomfortable asking, almost admitting I cant do it myself.

I need help, how do I ask?

My job hopes/wishes/dreams

Since I am still without permanent employment, I wanted to write down what my goals are for my next job and what I want out of it:

I want to work to live, not live to work.  I don't want a position where I have to think about the job when I'm not there.  Unless I have a piece of the company or own it, I'm just there to do my job and go home

 I want a job where I am able to make enough money so I can afford to move in with my girlfriend and move our relationship forward. 

I want a schedule where I am able to do my BJJ training.  Outside of my girlfriend, my friends, and my family, it's the most positive, healthy thing I have in my life these days.

I would like a job where I am challenged creatively, and where I feel like I accomplished something.   

I'd like a job where I go in in the morning, and at the end of the day I can leave without people trying to guilt me into staying longer "for the team" 

Above all, i want a job where I feel happy and feel like I'm at my "spot" in this world.

WIndows 8

For the past couple weeks I have been using Windows 8 mostly.  I have it installed on my 2008 iMac, and have been running it via VMWare Fusion.  So far, for a 5 year old computer that is slowly dying, it's running pretty good.  The Windows score is piss poor, but on the hardware I have, it's running OK.  I tried running 8 as it was supposed to, but after a couple days, I had to put on the "classic shell" add-on, and it made it able to use a start menu again and it boots to desktop directly, not what Microsoft changed the start menu to.

I don't hate how Microsoft re-did Windows 8, I sort of get the plan-unite all the UIs to make it seamless from a desktop to mobile, but seeing that touch monitors and the general concensus is that what Microsoft was doing was fine (I think 7 was the best operating system out there-even better than OSX), its a tough thing to do.  If the OS had options to set it up for the hardware it's installed, and gave a level of customization so maybe people who want to try the more mobile setup on their desktop can, I think people wouldn't have been so critical.  

Most of what I am doing is getting used to Windows again.  I also am planning on down the road to build my next computer, one for a daily driver, gaming, and media in the living room.  I wanted to get re accustomed to the OS, and I miss playing around with it. As much as I am using Windows, I'm not really keeping too much on the "hard drive".  Most of what I used is cloud based now, and what I do have is backed up on the Mac side.  This is a temporary computer on my Mac, and when I do build my PC, most of what is on this computer-PC and Mac side-will be transferred to it.

Test Entry (beta)

Testing out making audio entries, not just written ones. I did this on my phone with the hands free mic as I was walking yesterday.  Please note its still a beta project (where it most likely is crap, but I'm woking on it). Let me know what you think

Rant for today after reading countless tip articles written by "experts"

Is it wrong to think most of the articles about "how to get a job at any company" are BS, and are propagating the meme that if you want to work, you have to sacrifice YOUR life for the better good of the company hiring you? More and more companies seem to do that while scare people with the "you are replaceable" fear mongering.

I personally just want a job, and am only loyal to an employer beyond my paycheck. If I am not getting a piece of the company, I'm just a mercenary there to do the job by any means necessary. I'm not one who will jump through hoops for people who want me to live to work, not work to live.

Between companies adopting the "coal miner town" mentality of give your life to us for some crumbs, and the perpetual "work number of hours just below benefits line," on top of the memes that because I don't count in the official jobless numbers, I'm lazy and gave up, its hard to not have a massive chip on the shoulder and aggressive outlook to the job hunt.

Just needed to get this out.

My recent trip

First let me say I was close to, for the Hell of it, recording this and putting it as an audio file instead of writing it. I chose not to since I was in a writing mood, but I may do some audio stuff just to try it out. So instead of reading the ramblings of a madman, you'll get to hear the ramblings of a madman.

Last week I spent it at a resort that was in the Dominican Republic. I don't say I was in DR, because I wasn't in the REAL DR. The resort was great, but it was a "whitewash" of the country. I didn't get to experience the true nation. One day I'd like to. My girlfriend's mom and many of my friends are from DR and I'd love to see where they are from.

I won't bore you with getting to and from there, since I already had posted my thoughts on the running joke that is security. I will tell you about two things I have learned and what has stuck with me since the trip.

First off, this trip is the first time I've really experienced "white guilt". Its the guilt that has eroded society and, as I've seen it, worsened race relations. I've not been one to feel for minorities beyond moments of BS and injustice. I was told to treat people as the same, so why should I feel bad for someone's "plight"? In DR, that was different.

Seeing the workers and their hustle, is felt odd that they were there to please the tourists. Seeing how the morons who also were there and how they treated the workers like servants, it was just off putting. Not just the foreign tourists, but Dominicans from the country who were either upper class snobs, or like the family in Florida on vacation spending the week being assholes because "we get to dish out what we get all year". I was nice and respectful to the staff, did my best to speak in Spanish to them, and just was the guy on vacation happy to have a good staff at the resort. At one point, one worker asked if I was Dutch or German, because how cool and respectful I was. I said I was American, and it seemed to surprised him. I told him I was just not an asshole like most of the ones there.

Once I got back to the US, that guilt feeling left, but what I did feel has stayed with me. What the experience has also done has led me to realize one more thing....

Americans, and Canadians from what I saw, are ASSHOLES on vacations. Its always the gag of the "ugly American", but holy shit did I see that first hand. The sheer disrespect I saw to the staff, other tourists, and the place itself was eye opening. Drunken ramblings, verbal fights, sense of entitlement, and just sheer ignorance was almost irritating. Canadians are horrible drunks, and really turn into psychos. Don't get me wrong, there were many decent people on vacation, but there were just as many jagoffs as well. Sort of sad to be stuck with those dummies in the eyes of some of the locals.

I'm bothered these days

I'm bothered by a couple things.  First is the trampling of civil rights in this country, especially when there's an incident.  It's bad enough citizens are now treated by common criminals under the BS excuse of freedom, but when an incident like in Boston happens the thuggery of the authorities really comes out.  Of course they claim it's done to protect us, but as citizens we have rights.  We shouldn't be put under martial law (though it's not called that, that's EXACTLY what it was) whee military comes into town.  Panic gives a lot of people a lot of reasons to push their agenda, like trying to ban guns after a shooting, damn near strip searches when something happens at an airport, or civil lockdown and restriction of movement when there's a bombing.  

Why are the innocent punished by having a lot of their rights, many guaranteed by the Constitution,​ taken away by authorities-who failed in their part because of the incident happening in the first place.  Let's take security for example.  You have the GED all-stars (who I doubt really got one in the first place) at airports or in buildings, thinking and telling you "I have Powah, I haz powah" and not doing their job right.  First of all, they are glorified actors there to LOOK like they have the place in control.  They are poorly trained (if at all), and are paid almost nothing.  It seems the jobs where security is the main goal, no one wants to pay them well.  Maybe if there was a decent payscale, better, smarter, more qualified people would be there and less issues would happen.  But now you have a bunch of either 

-foreigners who cant read, speak, or write.

-some parts of the country, a dumbass redneck

​-or in the cities, some shmuck who failed out of their job at McDonalds or the drug, rap, or basketball game.

These are the people who are given the responsibility in most areas to protect the innocent.  But, hey, it's for freedom so it's justified.​

My other problem came up this morning, when I read an article about people like me-the long term unemployed   Apparently the longer you are out, the less likely your resume or application is even looked at, let alone ​you would get called for an interview. To say it put me in a bad mood would be an understatement.  I"ve been sending my resume and cover letter out everyday, and barely get any response.  I've tried getting work through friends, and that hasn't worked.  I have tried all the options i have and they have not worked.  The problem is that companies are white-collar versions of mines, where they will hire someone, grind them down, then toss them aside to get a younger cheaper person.  When there's a job opening, 150-200 people apply in minutes. I got a few things on the side, but not enough to say it's a full-time thing.  My one project I will put into high gear soon, and who knows what will happen to that. I want a steady paycheck where I'm not compromising my pay (did that already and never got back to what I was making before that)

I'm not at that point, but I get people who mull ending things or straight up crime.  Especially when all your options are not there, especially when you have been fed the bullshit of "work your ass off in college, you will get your job".  College degrees are the new high school diploma-dime a dozen and means almost nothing.

​I'm in a mood today, it sucks but I really have to get my spirits up.

Music is too clean these days

I wrote here a while ago how I feel the music I grew up with was the pinnacle of music, and everything after that is garbage.  I mean that, partly because the musicians today are like most kids these days-spoiled, oversensitive crybabies-but also the music is overproduced and made to sound too "clean".

​The music I grew up with was in the 90s, when the term threw around was "grunge" music.  It was dirty sounding guitars, and real basic production.  It sounded organic and natural with how the tuning was and it sounded more realistic.  I think it was also because most stuff was still recorded with more analog equipment, where you can hear the slight differences in sounds, not the "on/off" style digital equipment does (and analog i think is a less damaging than digital because of this).  

Hip hop is also an example of how it was better grimy than the garbage that is produced today.  Back in the 90s, it was literally two turntables and a mic.  There may be a sampler, but there was a real DJ working the turntables and ​creating music.  It's not the bullshit DJs now (if there is one on stage with the "artist") that has a macbook and is matching blinking lights to make music.  The DJ was just as important as the rappers.  In fact, it wasn't uncommon for the rappers to praise their DJ in their raps or even give the DJ an entire track to themselves (like the drum solo in rock).  Name me anyone who does that today.

This "clean" crap is also in the dress and "lifestyle" of the artists now.  When I was growing up as I said in the past, I remember when America was afraid of the two Ices: Ice-T and Ice Cube.  ​Most rappers back then dressed like real thugs-probably because most of them were at one time or was still one, and their music made you think you were going to get jumped as you were listening to it.  Now you have these clowns acting like they are thugs while trying to look "crispy" and clean.  You can't be a thug without getting dirty.  But stupid kids think these stupid actors are legit and think that's what you should aspire to.

Now, I like Pitbull-yes sit down for a second after reading that-but his work I think is overproduced.  It's almost too much noise around him and not enough of the artist.  ​Music today needs something to happen to it like what happened to "Hair metal" in the late 80s.  That's when bands like Nirvana, Alice in Chains, Pearl Jam, and Soundgarden came out and showed what back to basics rock sounded like and how much the music that was out was so plastic and superficial.  I guess it's a cycle, and I can't wait until the cycle goes back to the good side.

​Oh, and that "retro" crap in rock where people are trying to sound like they are playing in a "70's style and sound" is bullshit.  It's all digitally altered and sounds worse and head splitting because it's digital.

Faith

I've been lacking in the postings here lately, but life got in the way. This past weekend was Easter, and along with that I watched the mini series on the History Channel "The Bible." If you haven't seen it, I suggest you watch it. It was done well in my opinion. After seeing it I started to think about my faith and the faith people have in me.

I have not been the best Catholic. Sometimes I think because of that I am being punished for that. I personally do believe in God and a good part of what the Catholic Church teaches. Many of it I feel was made up by man in the "name of God" to deceive and control the ones who depend on them to fulfill their lives. That's about as much as I will say about that.

What I want to write about is how, like many who had faith in God and Jesus, we all have people who put their faith and have it in us. Family, friends, and others believe in us and what we do. I know I have that, but like I'm sure many deep down feel, I don't have the same amount in myself. Over the last week or so this has manifested in a way to make me see this.

About two weeks ago, I was promoted to blue belt in Brazilian Jiu Jitsu. It was a cool feeling and I felt I accomplished something. My instructor and those I trained with believe I was at the level to earn it. My mind since then has been questioning myself if I feel worthy of it, and that showed in my training recently. Many who I train with have been telling me to get out of my head and keep doing what I was doing before promotion. My instructor is always saying to us to "Believe in your Jiu Jitsu, believe in your game.". This past week I haven't, and it showed. Lesson learned.

I shouldn't just believe in my Jiu Jitsu game, but I should believe in myself and my life game. I have to start doing that. I have many family and friends who believe in me, and I believe in them and what they do. I have to switch up my thinking and stop worrying about letting them down, but to let their belief in me and my belief in them hold me up when I fail and help lift me to where I should, and even deserve to, be. I don't like seeing others disappointed in me, so I sometimes lack faith I'm doing the right thing. I need to fix that, and even ask others to help with that.

And to whoever reads this, I hope I inspire you to look at yourself and see how strong your belief and faith is in yourself, in others, and how much others have in you.

I realized I'm an old man when....

-I was going through my music collection and realized the music I grew up with is pinnacle of the art. What came before was just building up to it, and what came after is absolute garbage.

-I remember watching the original TV series and movies when they were on TV, and had to make a point to be home to see it.

-The originals of anything are much better than any remake.

-People when I grew up could take a joke, rather than get easily offensive

-People who played professional sports were ballplayers who played with their hearts, not athletes thinking of how pretty they look on ESPN.

-Parents allowed their kids play outside, get dirty and hurt to let them experience something

-People were allowed to choose to do what they want without having to be reminded its bad for you or have someone or something try to stop you "for your own good."

-People minded their damn business

-Kids were allowed to be kids. Not slaves to the educational system.

-Kids were allowed to "grow out of it" naturally, not have whatever they have "fixed" by mind numbing drugs.

-Parents were parents, and did the work. They didn't outsource parenting to outsiders

-I can watch a violent cartoon or anything provocative without having to hear from people I shouldn't

-White people were afraid of Ice-T and Ice Cube

-My mannerisms and how I act is slowly becoming more like my dad

-I am starting to think I don't have time in my life to do certain things, rather than plan to do something because I do have the time. I often thing at night the day was wasted, rather than tomorrow is another chance

-Some things I do now I wish I started years ago

-Mortality is starting to be on my mind.

-People in my life are starting to die off, slowly but they are.

I may be getting old, but I'm a Hell of a lot better than the youth. Louis CK said it Best: The old are always better because they have more experience than the young, which beats intelligence any day. Experience is intelligence you experience, not just learn. It may suck I'm getting old, but I'm proud of my level of experience I have.

The US austerity measures, you people wanted it.

Today seeing the BS/PR called the news astounds me. All involved in government, regardless of party, has completely fucked this country over yet again.

First, they tried to call this shitstorm "forced spending cuts". They didn't have the balls to call it what it is: half assed austerity measures. That would sound too dire, but it would be the truth, and prove how fucking useless the entire government is. They can't agree on lowered spending increases they have the balls to call cuts. Because neither Congress or Obama have the balls to do REAL cuts, they make lowered raises to already bloated government seem like "real cuts". Christ, they let this shit go for years and STILL chose not to do a goddamn thing.

This pissing contest is yet another problem your government has caused. Its not mine, I voted for everyone from Obama down out. But you retarded chumps decided that these childish nonsense is what YOU want. Well, I hope you are one who is laid off or fucked over to teach you a lesson about short sighted, shallow, ignorance in not looking at long term plans and really looking at the main problems.

But hey, the violence against women act was passed!!! So the guy who gets laid off today can get stiffer jail time if he hits his wife today. In Obama's eyes, GOVERNMENT WORKED!!!!

I'm sick of this garbage.

The hunt for work is full of scumbags

I had an "interview" scheduled for yesterday with an insurance company for a HR position.  At least I thought that was the interview was for.  It was for an insurance company in Long Island City, so I was excited at the prospect of getting a job somewhat close to home.  I got a response to my resume from them and they told me to go to their offices the next day to meet about this position and another.  

I was looking forward to this.  I haven't had a lot of responses to my applications so the potential to get a job was exciting.  I did my usual thing and looked up the company online, which everyone should do just to get familiar to what you are walking into.  WHen I did, I saw a lot of postings about the company being a pyramid scheme and a scam.  This concerned me, but the jobs these postings were referring to were sales jobs.  After doing that something didn't sit right with me. 

I arrived at the building and was put in a room with several other people.  I asked how long will it be until I get to speak with the person I was scheduled to meet with.  I was then told he will address all of us in a bit, and this was a group interview for the first one, and if I meet what they want, I'll receive an individual one later in the week.  Again, this didn't sit well.  This reminds me of some of the other "sales" jobs I went to when I first got out of college-the "entry level" positons kids apply for that turn out to be pyramid schemes.  Part of me wanted to walk out right there.

After several minutes of ​waiting, a guy walks in and introduces himself.  He starts talking about the unlimited potential one would have at this job if they work hard and how great the company is.  He then starts a video talking about the pluses of the company and the earning potential one would have.  This wasn't what I am here for.  After the video he starts talking about sales and what we could get if we do well.  I raise my hand, and he tells me to put my hand down.  After he said that I proceded to ask what this has to do with an HR position that I was there to interview for.  He said there isn't one and they only have sales positions.  I said this is bullshit, and a fucked up bait and switch.  I said I was here for an HR position, not a sales position (several others were too given the reaction to me).  I said since there isn't one apparently, I'm leaving. The guy starts yelling at me about how people like me should be happy to even get a look at form a company and just take any job that comes by.  I calmly told him to take his pyramid scheme and shove it, and called him and the other employees who came into the room a bunch of scumbags, then left.

​Situations like this annoy me. People are out there trying to exploit the unemployed, especially the young kids, the minorities and desperate, and try to get them into these sales jobs that require hours of extra work and no money in the end is made.  It's bullshit people have to deal with these scum.  It makes me not want to apply to jobs on craigslist, where I found their posting.  

Struggling with Soccer vs. BJJ

I'm at this point again.  MLS starts up soon, and I would like to get more involved in it again, but the time I need to invest I don't know about.  I committed my time, money and mind to BJJ, and I feel much better about that.  

Soccer, especially some of the element around it was negative to me, and unnecessary when I wanted to just go and have a good time.  I couldn't handle it at one point so I stopped going.  I remember the game that had me feel like I was "done".  It was two years ago, I went and hung out with the usual people, went to the game, but felt no "pop" I once did.  I left before the end of the first half and was comfortable feeling that I was "done" with soccer.  During the game, all the anger and frustration I felt for the people and entities that pushed me and outright disrespected me was there, and I was happy to leave-in fact it was a relief to me.  

Over time, one grows and learns and time heals wound and I felt my attitude change.  Entities change and I found out the ones that fit me more...well, fit again like when I joined years ago.  The faces and attitudes change and I'm much more at peace now.  BJJ has helped teach me how to be at this point.  You have to be when someone's trying to rip your arm off or choke you out.  I"ve forgiven everyone I had issues with, and would like to move forward.  Some seem to have, some still havent, but fuck them if they can't get over themselves and something in the long run is petty.  

​Today, I look at as much info on BJJ as much as RBNY/MLS.  I feel more of that "pop" again, and it does feel good to have that sorted out.  My commitment as I said is more to BJJ these days.  My life had improved personally more from it.  I have signed up to compete in one tournament, and maybe more soon.  I am trying to get in even better shape and lose more weight for it.  I rather be the big guy in the smaller class than the smaller guy in the giant class. 

That's where I am conflicted: I am putting so much energy in this, I don't have the time or energy to spare for soccer.  Last year at a charity event I said to myself I wanted to help one group more like I used to, but between BJJ and other projects which I will be getting into more detail at some point, the soccer thing fell by the wayside.  ​

I'm not complaining, I'm damn lucky to have two things I enjoy in my life since some don't have anything, either by choice or circumstances-but mainly by choice.​  It's trying to figure out a balance that's the hard part.  

Honesty is better than professionalism

I've been trying something different with my handling of people and in my job search. Rather than pussyfooting around and trying to "sound professional", I am just being honest with people.

To me that seems like the more professional thing to do rather than sound fake and act somewhat deceptive to someone. Rather than give a fluff answer to a question or a fluff cover letter, I have been just blunt and simple with my answer. It throws people off a bit, but I find people are more receptive and seem to give a more accurate and truthful response back.

Granted many people also can't handle this type of action, and and can look at it like an aggressive move. But I've always said I'd rather fund out right away how someone will be with my attitude and actions now, rather lie to both me and the other person and string each other along. That never ends right.

Google+

Over the past few weeks, I have been using Google+ more and more.  To me, it's a superior social network.  I find it more engaging than Facebook, and there's more to do on Google+ with a post than Facebook.  I like how Google+ has a community setup, where I find just as much news on there as I do on my RSS feeds.  I'm also someone who used a lot of Google's products, and the integration between Google+ and the other Google products makes it easier to share things I find on the Internet.  

I also generally find the people who use Google+ more engaging and there's better discussions on there than on Facebook.  Maybe because on Google+ there are more people like me on there, or I curate that network more than I do on Facebook, or just less people on Google+ trying to make it worth posting/reading it, but I fond it better there than of Facebook in general.  To be honest, I don't "post" on Facebook a lot-I usually have my Twitter feed pipe into it, and I read what others are saying on Facebook. I wouldn't have Facebook to be honest if all my friends aren't on there.  

I may try an experiment and not use facebook for a bit, but I haven't decided on how and what time period I would use for such an experiment.

I encourage you to at least look at Google+ or any tutorials out there about it.  I would encourage you to look especially if you have a Gmail account-you already have a Google+ account-because you can see how well all the Google products mix and use each other.  Facebook to me now seems clunky, and bloated with stuff added on to the basic setup that seems to weigh it down.  It reminds me of how iTunes is now-something that needs a good cleanup or fat-trimming to get it back to some form of an efficient program.  

I know privacy concerns are an issue to some with Google, but I will say at least Google is up front with what they will potentially do with you info-which you own on Google, unlike on Facebook-rather than what Facebook does and try to hide how they will use it.  Also at least Facebook won't potentially use my name in an ad on someone else's timeline saying to endorse a product just because I said I liked it.

Notice I didn't mention Twitter in all this.  I like Twitter and think there's much more value in their service compared to Facebook.  I'm not thrilled that Twitter is smacking the their party app makers in the face-since they DID help build Twitter up and even inspired Twitter to do some of the features that they now have-but they have a good product I like to use for news and info.

Media Violence

The entertainment industry, which gets tons of tax breaks and kickbacks from our government, have been trying to get the heat off them about violence and put it on their biggest rivals creatively and financially, the video game industry.

Video games are still relatively new, so they haven't gotten the lobbyists or muscle in the government yet, so they are the easy target about content.  It also is a media that is interactive, where the player can influence the story they are experiencing.  It is also a media that makes Billions of dollars every year, and it makes more year over year.

All these things drive the entertainment industry mad.  Movies and TV can't have the interactivity with the viewer like videogames, and that leads to videogames to have deeper, richer stories that have depths movies can't ever get.  The entertainment industry also can't stand that the videogame industry has had more of an impact on technology (direct downloads, extra content with a purchase of a product, most forms of digital rights media, always on internet connection, etc.)than them, and they have to adapt to what the videogames have done.  They can't stand being in the back seat.  So they chose to throw money at the problem to try to censor and hobble the videogame industry, at the very least to keep them from pulling away and making the entertainment industry and their ways seem even more out of date and old.

Some facts about the videogame industry:

-They employ as many people-when looking from publisher to store-if not more people than the entertainment industry

-Their distribution systems are better and more efficient than most in the entertainment industry.

-They have a ratings system on par with the movie and TV mediums, and many stores do a better job age checking kids for videogames than movies or music.

-The writing staffs in videogame companies are more creative and more robust in their stories.  In fact, many of the current writers are former TV or Movie writers that were shunned by their former fields because their stories were too creative.

-Videogames make more profit per unit than most DVDs or movie viewings.

So you see, they are a ripe target for the Government.  Not because they have more violent content than movies or TV, but because the government haven't extorted them yet.  What about the kids who are allegedly influenced by games and made more violent?  Always look who funded the studies, and the fact is there has not been a definitive link to violent video games and kid's behavior.  

Besides, if there is a problem, it's more with the parents who are neglecting their kids by not doing the research themselves on the games their kids are asking for, and not monitoring their kids.  THEY are a problem more than the games themselves.

Video games are a form of art, no less art than a painting in the Louvre, or the movie "Citizen Kane" or any TV show.  At the very least, they should get the same protection as a movie or any other art.