For those who are saying that the job market is getting better and more people are working, I need real proof of that. I’ve spent God knows how long trying to get work, but there’s either no one listening or reading my applications, or I may be getting lost in the shuffle. I still don’t believe that the unemployment rate is 9% give or take. I am one who believes it’s probably more like 15-18% if you factor in people like me-not on the government dole and on our own.
The more I am not working, the more pressure I feel on me. Everyday I feel more and more like I have let a lot of people down that have been close to me. Even though many have given me a lot of support and have had damn near infinite patience with me, I still feel like i have let them down. Don’t get me wrong, I do not feel regret leaving my old job last year. My conscience is clear and I don’t feel trapped in a job where no matter what I do it’s not enough or my work is ignored. Since I’ve left that company, I feel better as a person.
The pressure I refer to and the feeling of failure is honestly put on me by me. I’ll admit to that. I have done that to myself since I was a little kid. Mostly because of my problems as a kid. I didn’t want t rely on those excused why I couldn’t do something like it was a crutch. If anything I worked harder to try to be “normal”, despite the roadblocks people would put up even though they said it’s “for my safety”. This was just as frustrating as well-being told you can’t do something because of “it’s safer for you not to do it”. That situation embarrassed me then and it does now when I can’t do something myself and need someone else to do it for me. Yeah, I don’t like to ask others for help. THis is why for me to get what I want or need like a job, it takes a while. My mind tells me to do things myself, and not get others involved because what if I do fail? I don’t want to drag others down with me. Yeah it’s a stupid and frustrating thing to be around, ask my girlfriend. These days I have tried to break out of that pattern, but it still feels weird to me asking for help.
So, you are asking, what the Hell is this all about? After all the usual ways to apply for work, I am going to try things outside the box. For example, I redid my resume in a different format (check the link to it on top), and I am in the process of making a presentation of my resume plus more about myself in a form of a little quicktime movie made in Apple Keynote (which I will post at some point when I feel it’s right). It’s an extension of my resume that I may send a link to along with my resume to try to stand out from the others. I also have to be more aggressive with my job hunt, and contact companies out of the blue and give them my info, rather than just searching on an online job site. I need and will try to take control of my job search, rather than be controlled/constrained by it.
And yes, I will ask others to help. The best way to get through something you don’t like is to just do it.