I signed up for the NYC Sanitation exam. It's not til February but the filing is done in October. If the server crashing at midnight is an indication, a ton of people are also going to take it. It's a test given often, and the list of candidates lasts for several years. Despite the odds of having to score a perfect score and a ton of luck is needed to even get called in for the next stage of the process, I'm still taking the test. What do I have to lose? I do know given the price charged to take the test, the city gets a nice chunk of change. I may sign up for other tests because I NEED to get out of my current job!!!!
Mental dump-9/11
It's been about a month since I updates this. I figure is do a mental dump to get some things off my mind.
-After the last couple months and the dramas that came through them, my cruise to Bermuda with my wonderful girlfriend and our friends couldn't come at a better time. I spent the week with some of the most important people in my life and got to just kick back and shut my brain off. It was an amazing time and Bermuda is a place I really want to vist again.
-When I got back, figured the drama started up. I was in the bad end of a three car accident the day I got back. I'm fine, but the car is FUBARED. It was the first (and hopefully the last) time I got to see an airbag work in person. So the car is gone and I'm going through the process with the insurance company. Fun stuff.
-I really need to look at headhunters to get a new job. The current one is OK, but I need and want more-not just money but mental stimulation and sense of worth. Once again, my awesome girlfriend gave me info I have to look at as far as career counselors and stuff like that.
-GoPro makes an awesome camera.
-I don't need to carry a bag for my personal stuff. Scottevests are awesome for it. I have their Q.U.E.S.T model and with all the pockets and space to store stuff, I can put a ton of stuff on me and feel comfortable. It also makes going through security a breeze.
-WE ARE, PENN STATE!!! Justice was finally served and all the sanctions the NCAA put on the school after railroading them are gone.
Untill next time, or whenever I remember to write something...
My faith renewed
Let me first say I'm going to talk about "God". I'm using God in the general sense since I believe all religions are the same, just different interpretations and regionalization of the same basic stories. I take my interpretation from the Catholic version, which I grew up with.
My background with religion is I am Catholic and have recieved all the sacraments except Marriage and Last Rights. As I got older, I question a lot of the teachings, most felt like arbitrary rules created by Politicos and lawyers of the time to control the "flock". For that I've thought God didn't have the same level of love and compassion for me, and it was something I accepted.
The past couple weeks have been, to say the least, stressful. My mom has been in a hospital for that time. If she didn't go when she did, she probably be dead at this point. What got my faith renewed was the events leading up to her getting admitted. I took her to a doctor appointment on a Tuesday, and he said for her to go to a Cardiologist. My sister made an appointment for the next day. I had to work so my sister's boyfriend took her and my sister to the appointment, then the hospital right after.
Now, here's where I feel God stepped in.
My sister planned the week off, her boyfriend didn't. The Monday of that week he went to work, then didn't feel like going so he too took the week off. I feel if he didn't do that, he couldn't be there to help my mom and sister that Wednesday.
Since then I've felt it was God's will that all happened. It made me see that god still is looking out for my family and my mom. I've not been the best Catholic, and I question a lot of the rules, but I'm glad that God sees past that and still shows his compassion for my mom and my family.
For those upset I am just talking about my mom now, I didn't say anything because i don't like to broadcast my sorrow on others, and the less people stressing out about it, the better. Plus stress leads to conflict.
So, that's my story of a new faith. Although I am a Reverend, I'm still a man.
I feel lost
I realized today how long I have been at my current job, security guard, for months. First I am greateful to have a job given how long I have been out of one, but the last holiday weekend made me think how much more I want. If I was making more than what I do (higher than minimum wage, but not where I should be paid), it probably wouldn't be that bad. But all that's been in my head is the term "wasting potential", which is how I feel I am now.
I took this job as a stop gap, get some money, and have something recent on my resume. OK done. I thought maybe I would find this job fine and can grow from it. That's not happening. I am not really stimulated at this job, which makes time move slowly. I also don't feel as if people find me worth more than this job. I'm basically a body to fulfill a stores insurance policy.
So I'm sure you are all saying "get a better job". I'm trying, but I feel lost where I should apply. I should refresh on some of the A+ cert info and try help desk jobs again, I should try insurance work again, but not the BS sales jobs insurance companies send me. Or I should just get any admin job.
I feel confused and lost as to my next move, but also afraid of being stuck where I am.
I Like Pro Wrestling
I am starting to enjoy pro wrestling again. I have the WWE Network, and watching the archives and the newer material made me appreciate what the show is now. I'm still not a fan of some of the entertainment parts, my logic is the entertainment should be in the ring and in interviews.
Some of the characters now are fantastic, especially some of the factions they have. I've always enjoyed the small factions where it's a couple guys, not the late NWO, where half the roster was in it. The Wyatt family, The Shield (before they were broken up, but the individuals still work well), The Real Americans are all great groups who can tell a story and tell a character. I also enjoy some of the more old school style of wrestling they have been doing, some more drawn out fights where a story is told. I watched the last PPV and the two ladder matches were done very well. Each participant had a chance to show something, while also trying to keep the injuries to a minimum.
My only issue is tat a lot of the wrestlers look the same, and outside of their personality, is vanilla. WWE always had a "look" they wanted in their wrestlers, but there needs more diversity for their roster. WWE has a developmental promotion, NXT, where there are a lot of the same physical looking guys doing the same moves. I don't see a lot of standouts. Then again, I always liked the old school style of promotions-various styles of wrestlers on the card to make for unique fights.
My last issue is the commentary. It used to be two guys, one straight man, one comedy color guy, and they add to the story. Now it's three guys who I doubt pay attention to each other, but also plug all the social media WWE uses and the WWE network. The network stuff is understandable to get more subscribers, but it's done too much and sound almost desperate. The social media part to me seems like an old company trying to sound hip and relevant-think your parents talking about how many Facebook friends they have.
Their talk and videos of their films and other ventures are ok-they are trying to branch out and that's fine-but I think they try to tie it into the wrestling product too much. WWE also is a public company, so I get they have to meet financial goals for the shareholders, but that part I think stifles their creativity.
in the end, I'm still a fan. I love seeing the old stuff, and the stuff I missed and somewhat glad I did.
I am a fan again.
World Cup
If you haven't following it, you are missing out on one of the best events ever played. The level of talent, the offense this time is off the chain, and just seeing the best of the best playing. I will say a couple things:
1. As usual, it's disgusting how the front running media acts like the US is some cute story. They've been not only in the event every time since 1990, but are knocking on the door to make it to the next level. The media always jumps on the bandwagon when they are winning, while also wishing they lose so they don't have to report on it. It's disgusting.
2. want to have some fun? Ask any "fan" of a non US nation to find their nation on a map. Then badger them to put the US first, everyone else second. Look, I enjoy seeing the other teams play , but I'd never put them over the US.
3. When the World Cup ends, rather than go back into the woodwork, actually go support local pro soccer-MLS, NASL, USL-whatever is in you're area. DONT BE A WANNABE EUROTRASH JOCK SNIFFER!!! Support your local team by putting your butt in a seat at a stadium, not at a bar to see a team that can give a rat's ass about you.
Kids these days...
Between the school shootings and seeing what garbage that is graduating from college. Kids today are soft, spoiled, trash that have a huge sense of entitlement. It's the result of having both extremes of parenting, either neglectful or over protective, happening today. It's also the result of a failed society that has decided to make everyone feel like a winner and award mediocrity, rather than just the successful. Because of this, the current generation and the ones in the future feel as if they are almost owed whatever they want, and they don't have to earn it. If they don't get it, they throw a tantrum and cry some sort of unfairness to them, and then are coddled even more. Some extremes are the shootings in the news-usually a result of a kid not learning to stand up for himself and lashing out with a gun.
Recently, I thought about an idea who's time has come. Once a kid graduates high school, that summer he or she should be sent to a boot camp to have their system shocked and whatever garbage thoughts and sense of entitlement taken out of them. It would be a camp in the middle of nowhere that would force these kids to be self reliant, teach them how important earning even the most simple things like water or a shower is more valuable than just asking for and expecting it. Also, self defense . It would be a camp of extremes to get a kid to realize the real world isn't soft or cuddly. It's a world where you are the one who has to take charge of your life and do what it takes to earn the spot in theis world you want.
Moving to an SSD
I get an email form NewEgg offering my a Crucial M500 120 gig solid state drive real cheap. I jump at it, since an SSD was in my plans for some time. The drive arrives about a week later, and I am excited to put it in my computer. Simple enough to plug it in with a SATA cable and an extra power cable from my power supply. I have it "mounted" in my pc via zip ties. After foreplay of putting it in my computer, now the real sexytime starts by cloning my hard drive to it.
I started preparing for this nrew drive days before, clearing out a lot of stuff on my hard drive to make sure what I had on it was small enough to fit on the drive. No problem. Even though I planned on reusing my hard drive I was using as a drive for my data after, my original drive size would fit the SSD with no issues.
I read an article from Lifehacker about the process to clone. Before I get into detail, I am A+ certified and have cloned drives in the past, but this is my first time trying to clone Windows 8.1 onto an SSD. Previously I did XP onto regular hard drives. I read the article, and in my head I said the infamous words Jeremy Clarkson from "Top Gear" says:
"How hard can it be?"
Well...
I get the cloning software the article suggested-EasUS ToDo Backup. Seemed like a simple program to do it, it even optimizes the clone for SSDs. Sweet. I choose the source and destination drives, hit "optimize for SSD", click start, and check off "Turn off computer when finished". A short time later I see the computer turns off. Excellent. At this point the article says to boot from the SSD. I try to...and nothing. "Hmmm" I check the BIOS, make sure the SSD is the one the computer is trying to be boot. Nope, no super-fast booting PC.
DAMN!
I go through the process again, Nada. I look online for some ideas, and found some for different programs. I try CloneZilla, but it won't do it due to the source drive is too big (and I was doing the drive to ensure the recovery partition-which I believe had the boot info on it as well). I played around with gParted, and it seemed to copy my C:/ drive over. Again, try to boot from SSD. Zilch. I looked at the files on the SSD< and it was an exact copy of my hard drive, but it won't boot. This is making me nuts.
I put in my recovery disk and tried to repair the boot files on the SSD, and that didn't work. I then got deep and found programs to mess with the boot files themselves, and I sort of got it to work, but it was so unstable and janky, I reset what I changed. It was using both the SSD and hard drive, making the machine run all funky.
Finally, in defeat, I did a clean install of the OS and now it's running fine. I have all my data on another hard drive, and my computer is up and running.
Hindsight makes me think of what I may have done wrong. Maybe not unplugging my hard drives after the initial clone and just leaving the SSD plugged in would have helped, maybe it was something with my original windows install (despite all the cleanup/defrag programs saying everything was fine). Maybe it's just simply moving an already installed OS to a totally different storage system "broke" it. I have read SSD and hard drives read and access files differently.
In the end, I'm actually glad I clean installed the OS. Helped me get rid of some of the programs I didn't need, and got me to set up my computer again, and make sure it's set up right again.
Still, I feel like a moron, after going through training to work on PCs, I couldn't get this done correctly. Sort of a hit to the 'ol ego
Cover letters like wrestling promos
I always think the cover letter or intro email is one of the hardest things to write. First off it may not be even looked at given how lazy HR or hiring people are these days. Usually they see an email come in, say "Hey another one!", then scan the resume into a flawed computer system the will use factors to discriminate people out of the running for a job. Also, so-called "experts" will tell you conflicting things on how one should be written, how long it should be, etc.
I decided, after enjoying the WWE Network for a couple weeks, that maybe writing one as if I was giving a wrestling "promo" (monologue that is either about the wrestler to make him look good or his enemy to further a storyline).
Obviously I wouldn't be talking trash about the company I'm trying to simply get a response to. It would be in the way some wrestlers used to say "I'm the best wrestler here, and here's why." If you look up some of the most famous wrestlers' work. You'll see what I mean.
At this point it can't hurt trying something new, right?
Ps4 so far
I've had one for a while. So far I am enjoying it. After going through getting a replacement one after a fan in the first one I had was bad, it's up and running fine. I still have and play games on my PC, and I do plan on getting as many of the top games coming onto PC like "Watch Dogs", but some of the exclusives and sports games got me to get a PS4.
So far the games look and play great. One thing I like but wish it was a little better is the PS Vita remote play feature. It works as it should be since the Vita doesn't have the same number of buttons as a PS4 controller, some of them have to be used on the touchpad behind the Vita. It's something you have to get used to, but I prefer a controller. The feature works when needed.
I haven't played too much with the streaming features, but I do have Twitch and Ustream accounts now (pmarus78). I've watched some, and it's a range of good to garbage, so it's on par with the Internet in general.
So far so good.
Why is a draft needed?
I hear all the hype about the NFL draft, and I was thinking: in leagues that have salary caps (NFL, NBA, MLS, NHL) why are drafts for players entering the league needed?
If a team has a limit on what they can spend on salaries, why should they be limited, or even forced, to signing young talent? I know things like this puts the leagues in the press cycle in their offseason and gives the media something to do, but other than that, what's the point of the draft?
Is it to limit what a 19-20 year old is paid off the bat? Can't be that if you see what some rookies get (granted leagues are putting rookie caps on their salaries). I know they claim it's to keep competitive balance, but that's crap as well. Look at Eli Manning, John Elway, Eric Lindros, or any player that was drafted by a bad team but forced the team to trade them to a better team. Where was the leagues to stop that?
All teams in a league have a budget to spend on players. I think these teams should be given the freedom to spend it however they want. If one team locks up all the top college talent, if it's within the salary cap rules and they can afford to do so, that's their prerogative.
I think I figured out my "switch"
You know what I'm talking about. It's the moment when you go from your normal self to "it's go time" mode. That means your intensity and focus on something gets jacked up where you just are balls out until it's finished. Some people, especially fighters, have a way to control it. They are themselves until it's time to get their business-fighting, sports, business negotiations, etc.-done, they get into a zone. For a while now, I've been trying to figure out what is mine and how I can control it.
I figured my switch is like a huge circuit breaker, where I'm pretty laid back and let a lot roll off my back, but if I get pushed, the switch swings and it takes a lot to put it back to normal. I sort of felt this tonight, but the switch wasn't tripped. I was thinking just before writing this that I wish I could trip it when I needed it, not when it happens.
get rid of your crutch, you pathetic losers
I'm getting tired of people screwing up in life and blaming it on something that happened to them years ago. You know these people. They are the ones who wallow in their own sadness because they choose not to get past something bad that happened to them. Some of these people use some experience as a crutch to base their lives around. It's pathetic, and cowardly that these people aren't called out on this and are allowed to screw up and hide behind something.
So what if mommy or daddy left you? So what you had an experience as a kid with an adult? So what if some woman or man scorned you in a past relationship? You choose to let these things affect you, and let it control your life. Some, like me, are sick of hearing how people like this need to be coddled and almost given an edge in life because of what happened to them. Hey, I was blind when I was kid and also a cripple when i was in HS. I didn't let that get me down or make me go cry for help. In fact, quite the opposite. I used it as motivation to move forward in my life. I didn't nor don't sit there saying "Woe is me, My childhood sucked because I couldn't play baseball as a kid or enjoy High School like a normal kid. I need love and to be coddled". I said, "fine, I got this problem, lets kick it's ass, when it's fixed move on to the next challenge". And so I did.
I know some stuff is heavy in one's life, but you have to be stronger than the problem. Let's stop rolling around in shit when life has us fall into it. Rather, let's do what we are supposed to do as humans and pick ourselves, clean ourselves off and move forward. Let's not be around people rolling in their shit, because they will try to pull others to their level. Let's not use our problems like a crutch to lean on, but as a platform to move ourselves forward and male ourselves better.
Otherwise, fuck you and your problems. You are weak people and I will not waste my time trying to coddle or even enable you to hide behind them. Hiding behind your problems is not an excuse or a license to do things to yourself or others without consequence. To those who have problems, do something to fix them: Attend a meeting, go see a shrink, seek rehab, something to try to get past it. Just don't get fixed and still try to use it as a reason to be your old self.
Poop, taxes, and mental issues: these are thoughts as I work
As a security guard, you get a lot of time to think about things. Things like, "how do Corgis poop? It looks like they aren't built to squat like most dogs." You know, serious stuff. Since I have not written an entry in a while, I thought of writing out a few thoughts I've had while on the clock.
-I decided to make a big move recently that could affect several relationships. Funny thing is this choice is based on a current relationship I have now. I have decided to cut ties with some people I lost all respect for.
Recent revelations that have come to light has put gasoline on some smoldering ashes. I can't further deal with, or even be in the same room with people who don't respect my choices in life. These people can't stand to see me happy (haven't been able to stand my happiness all my life), and try to cut me down behind my back, to the point where my values and choices are questioned.
If people can't respect me or people I love, fuck them they are cut off. This choice may make me look like an asshole in some peoples eyes, but those are the same people who should mind their fucking business and stay out of things.
-My life and my jiu jitsu has some parallels. Most recent one is I feel like I'm paralyzed by my mind, as well as there is a "block" where I can't move forward. Both in my life and in my game, I will start something and then freeze up due to my mind thinking so much. Or I want to start something, but can't figure out step one. It just feels I'm stagnated, despite people around me saying I'm not and I'm improving. Maybe it's just me being too hard on myself and putting myself way higher than I should be.
-Finally, I think all payroll taxes should be abolished, and all levels of government should live off what they make on sales taxes. This means a federal sales tax has to be established. How I think it should work is:
If you make $1000 a pay period, you get the full $1000 (not going to include the voluntary 401k or pension contributions in this example)
Instead of being taxes on your income, you are taxed on consumption. A 8% federal sales tax on all goods and whatever state/city sales tax would be the basis of the revenue for government.
It's a fair system: don't spend a lot?don't get taxed a lot. Spend a lot, you pay a lot back into the communities. This could also stimulate consumption of goods, hence more tax revenue.
These are things I think about.
Cable cutting
I know people who have decided to not have cable in the house and rely on the internet for their entertainment and news. It's an idea that has intrigues me for some time.
After thinking of the subject a bit, I think i could live without cable. First this relies on getting a powerful internet connection. That's in general not a huge problem. I would also need an over the air antenna for local television, as well as the subchannels the networks have now. Beyond that is where the internet really gets important. I could use a PC for the internet stuff, but also use a streaming box like the Roku line of boxes for it, or both.
Most of my entertainment would come from subscription services like Netflix, Amazon Prime, and other streaming sites. I personally would also go to my favorite sites that now create video content and complete shows. One thing that I hope becomes more prevalent is cable channels offering subscriptions for online viewing. HBO sort of does that, but not where many hope it gets in the future.
One thing that has been an issue is live sports. I would probably subscribe to league packages like the MLS or NHL. I wouldn't get the local teams games but I would get some sports. Also the UFC offers their pay per view events online, so I can order them online. So it's doable, and looking at what it would cost, it would be cheaper than the cable bill I have now.
quick hits and thoughts
Just had some quick tings to say:
-I am tired of the snow. Funny part is living in Pa. for years should make me used to the snow. The difference is that in Pa, there was somewhere to put the snow-the woods. Here in the city there is no spots to put the snow with out getting an environmental group up in arms. Another thing is I was not in a suit for work everyday, and I'm stretching out my suits to cut down on dry cleaning. It's tough.
-Boo Comcast and Time Warner. It's not a good deal. There are so many conflicts of interests as far as content providers and the cable/internet monopolies they have. But seeing how quickly this country is going to Fascism, I'm sure there will be some loophole for this to work. It'd be interesting to see what the government considers competition in most markets. I like in NYC, and not all areas have access to other options outside of Time Warner for cable and internet service-things like Verizon, RCN, Dish TV, or Direct TV. But most times it's almost "well it's in the city somewhere, so therefore it's considered competition". Hopefully this will be blocked.
-The Winter Olympics is much better than the Summer Olympics. First, most events are death-defying and dangerous. Second, there aren't as many countries involved, so there aren't any garbage countries wasting everyone's time. Finally, Hockey is considered important, where in the summer games soccer is second rate most of the time.
Moto G
I had a Samsung Note 2 for a while. It was a good phone. Sadly, it met a granite floor and shattered. The screen still worked but it was FUBARed. I had smartphones for years, and have dropped them many times, but this is the first time I actually broke something.
Anyway, I needed to do something. I thought changing the screen wouldn't cost a ton, but it would have cost me at least $250. After finding this out in my research, I came to the conclusion of "FUCK THAT" and look for unlocked phones. After looking at some other phones, I remembered the Motorola Moto G was out and it was a cheap unlocked device. So I went to Motorola's site and ordered a phone, case, and shipping total came to $250, what it would have cost me for the screen of the Note.
The Moto G is the "little brother" of the Moto X phone. The Moto G doesn't have some of the features of the Moto X, mostly due to the hardware used is less expensive, but it does have a lot of the features of it's higher-end brother. The phone doesn't have the "always listening" feature the X does, nor does it have the "active notifications" feature. That's fine, since it's something I'd try at first but would turn off at some point. I think it's the slower processor that is the reason these aren't in it. One other feature not in the phone is no LTE. I only have 3G speeds. To tell you the truth, I don't need LTE. I'm on wifi a lot, and when I am on a cellular network, I"m not downloading huge things. 3G works fine for me. No LTE also means my battery life is better.
Using the phone so far has been a great thing. It's not as fast as the "bigger" phones, but it works fine. The biggest thing I had to adapt to is the smaller screen again. This wasn't a big issue just jarring seeing a small screen after some time with a device the size of the Note 2. One of the biggest positives is that since Motorola is owned by Google, it's getting the updates to the Android OS almost as soon as Google's Nexus line of phones. Along with that, the UI on the phone is as simple as Android is built to be. That means no crazy "skins" or UI like Samsung's Touchwiz. You get some special apps made by Motorola like their camera app and some other apps, which are useful and also optional to the experience. I will say, using the Assist app-where it reads your calender and putting the phone into silent mode when you are at an event, if you want it to, or when you are sleeping-is useful for work. Again, not in the way of the experience, but cool to play with.
I recommend this phone for anyone looking for an unlocked phone for a GSM network and don't need all the "luxuries" of the higher-end phones.
It's been a while
I have been working for a bit as a security guard, and just haven't had the time to write something of substance. Since my hours are getting more settled, there should be a few updates and entries coming soon. Sorry if I have let the ones of you who read this, and hopefully I can make some content here to make up for it.
I also am looking for something better as far as work goes, so check out my resume and pass it around
YouTube: This Generation's Public Access Station
It hit me the other day, and it's probably late to the party, but YouTube really has become the modern public access channels your cable company has. As I was thinking of this, I started remembering some of the dumb stuff that used to be on Queens Public Access that was on Time Warner Cable. There was "Drinking with Bob", a show that had music and skits be a local comic named Bob Thompson. He's mostly known for his "What's next, what's next, what's next!!!" rants where he rants about a news item or something in society in an intense minute. He's moved a lot of his old ones and his skits to YouTube, but he was one of the few good shows on there. The closest thing to a "Wayne's world" success was comedian Jake Foglenest's show that he had on Manhattan cable access, that eventually ended up on MTV.
There were also a couple shows I remember done by some local musicians that basically used the show to show hot chicks and have their music played. One guy, Neal Alpert had a show where he would have his music played over video of topless women in artistic poses. This was the only show I really remember for obvious reasons. I remember he had some famous people he interviewed.
The other show that I remember was produced by the Jewish Task Force organization. It was a local group that...I don't know where they stood. The show generally consisted of the head of the group who looked like Mike D of the Beastie Boys in a fedora and sunglasses ranting in front of an Israeli flag. His rantings would go on about how evil the US government was, and then transition to a pro-Israel rant against anything Arab, then somehow turn into an anti-Israeli rant about their government. I remember the last time I got to see this show was in early 2000s where he was going off on George W. Bush, and the Israelis for not turning Afghanistan into glass. He was saying it was because both of them were serving the Saudi Arabian's purpose so all could make money off oil and natural resources. I watched it for the comedy.
Today, kids who want to do a show don't have to pay the local public access station for airtime, buy video and editing equipment, learn how to use it, then produce a show. Now they already have all that equipment either in their laptop webcam and/or their phones. They don't have to pay for airtime since YouTube is free to use. If these kids or adults have a hit, they eventually make money off the ads on the videos. Technology has lowered the bar so anyone can make their own channel or show. Part of me likes the openness, the more out there, the better it will eventually get, but sometimes you have so much noise it may drown out the better stuff.
The big thing now is streaming. Either video game sessions or just life. Other sties like Twitch or U stream has done this better, and the new gaming consoles has made this more accessible to people. These shows are cool where it shows people playing the newest games and the people watching can help the player out. Some streams are of dog pens where puppies are playing or sleeping, or just kids hanging out. These things weren't possible before the Internet or sites like YouTube.
I guess you can say sites like YouTube are not replacing the public access station, but evolving the idea of public access.
A great loss
I had a long entry written up about this, but it didn't post for some reason. So rather than go back and try to re-write what I had written about my late Uncle, I"ll try to write something that summed up my thoughts.
My uncle passed away last week. It was tough to hear, since he was just getting back on his feet from having some major medical problems. He was a great man. A man who was dedicated to his work as a builder, his work in his community, and most importantly his family. He was a veteran of the Korean conflict, and from there he went to work for some corporations that sent him around the world on projects. After some time, he decided to start his own company and build houses and other buildings. He left a big company and big paycheck to have time with his family. He built some beautiful houses and properties. I remember when I was young and my family went to see my Aunt and Uncle, he'd take us to something he was working on. It was cool to see.
He did a lot of work for his town on their planning committee, as well as was a member of local organizations and his local church. Even though he was involved with many things, his wife and kids always came first. Both he and my Aunt were what people should write books on about parenting. My cousins are awesome people and great role models.
He was a generous and loving person. He helped my parents out when they needed. I remember when my parents wanted to buy the property our house in Pennsylvania was built on, my parents didn't have the cash available for it at the moment. They called my Aunt and Uncle for a loan, and they didn't hesitate. After we were at the reality office in Pa, we drove to New Jersey for dinner with my Aunt and Uncle and they gave my parents the money. That's something that always stayed with me. After the house was built, My Uncle came to see it and walked around it with his "builders eye" to inspect it. He later did that when additions were made to the house. Every time he and my Aunt were at the house (which was often-wasn't too far from where they lived and my Aunt loved to visit), I always remember the generosity they showed to make it possible.
Another example of their love, and some say patience and tolerance of you want to look at it that way, is when I introduced them to my girlfriend. My Uncle and Aunt were true Republicans and a conservative's conservatives-the C word in their house was Clinton. My girlfriend is...lets say on the other side of the spectrum. So after explaining them to my girlfriend, and them meeting, everything went great. I still joke that was a testament to their love, and tolerance.
Being at my Uncle's house between viewings was sad. It was sad to be there on a sad occasion, and not the happy ones I usually was there. All my life, Easters were there, sometimes summer parties where held there, and when I was younger, at least a week of the summer was at the house. I remember helping my Aunt or cousins with the sheep they used to raise there. I remember watching my cousins and Uncle build a pen in their garage for the sheep either pregnant, or in the wintertime before they built a barn for the sheep. I remember going to the 4H fair near them. I remember the summers where my mom would take us out there to spend a week there. My mind was flooded with these memories as I was walking around the house. It felt like an end of a great era at the house.
One other thing that I couldn't stop thinking about is my cousins' children, his grandchildren. Some have known him all their lives and have a lot of their own memories of them, but some of the younger ones didn't have a lot of time to know him. I'm sure what time they had was wonderful, but it's sad they wont' get to spend more time with him.
I think the most emotion I showed during the entire weekend was when one of my cousins said it's weird not seeing his dad at the head of the dining room table holding court with the people sitting there. He then said he still felt it was weird that my dad wasn't there with his dad talking and having a good time. That got to me a little. My Uncle and my dad enjoyed each other greatly.
I have an idea of what my cousins are going through, it sucks losing a parent, I was trying hard to be the stable one in the emotional situation, and I can't lie that it was hard to turn off my emotions. It was hard when my cousins asked me to be a poll bearer for him, like he asked me to be for his mother two years ago. It was hard to keep my emotions in when a "Taps" was played as the flag draped casket was put in the hearse. Just today I felt like I was able to write this without getting too emotional at the keyboard.
My Uncle the last two years was still dealing with his wife's passing, and always said he looked forward to seeing her again. He also was still affected by his daughter's passing 30 years ago. I am sure now he is with his wife and daughter happy and at peace.